Limericks, Jokes & Bawdy Stories
A Dark Shadows limerick written by Dennis Patrick...
"Poor little lost Willie Loomis,
We all seem to know what his doom is,
He'll be caught by the balls,
When Barnabas calls,
And asks what the
way to his room is."
(If you know any other poems or limericks by Dennis please send them to us!)
"Poor little lost Willie Loomis,
We all seem to know what his doom is,
He'll be caught by the balls,
When Barnabas calls,
And asks what the
way to his room is."
(If you know any other poems or limericks by Dennis please send them to us!)
"Laughter in the Shadows by Dennis Patrick" featured in Dark Shadows Almanac, Pomegranate Press, 1995
Whenever I think of Dark shadows, I never see "dark" nor do I see
"shadows." I see light and laughter and fun.
I see our lady director, Lela Swift, with her hair falling over her face and
her slip hanging down below her skirt hem.
I hear Louis Edmonds saying, "What did you say, old boy? I'm afraid I wasn't
attending you."
I hear Thayer David competing with me in composing limericks we can never
quote in public, and I hear Mitch Ryan saying, "I was watching them on the
mircrophone," as he looks at a mircroscope. "Microphone?" I respond, and he
roars back, "Well, you gotta hear what the little bastards are saying!"
I see a big beefy guy named Dan Curtis with a lot of hair, practicing golf
putts in the office. He turned out to be the producer! He still has the hair. I
see John Karlen with his face all scrunched up like a prune to keep from
breaking up just from looking at my face.
My eyes also recall seeing a little ditty desk at Collinwood just as the
camera light went on: "Twinkle, twinkle, little star, what a horse's ass you
are." Joan Bennett was leaning over my shoulder at the time. When the scene was
over, I asked her who could possibly have written such a thing. She replied, "I
did. I found it on my pillow one night when I got back late from shooting a
film. One of my ex-husbands had written it -- and he was gone!"
I remember the beautiful blank looks in the eyes of my fellow actors, in the
blind panic during taping, wondering what in God's name the next line was!
I hear the muted cacophony of falling props, chairs, old fangs, and the
muffled grunts of some poor soul whose beard or mustache had torn loose from his
face, while his immortal being was forever damned by thoughts of the raging
revenge he was going to wreak on a certain person or persons as soon as he could
end this agonizing moment! And I hear muffled imprecations and prayers and
promises to be forever angelic in the future and never more commit sin and
please, sweet God, let me get to the can before I disgrace myself by wetting my
pants!
Oh yes, I remember Dark Shadows very well. It was one of the happiest times
in my life!
"Hawkes Harbor" by S.E. Hinton (A Jason McGuire fan fic!)
Have you read "Hawkes Harbor" by S.E. Hinton, the acclaimed author who brought you the classic young adult books "The Outsiders", "Rumble Fish", and "Tex" (among others)? If not, you should! Why? For one S.E. Hinton is one of my favourite authors, so skilled at creating memorable characters who pack an emotional punch. Second, "Hawkes Harbor" is actually based on "Dark Shadows" -- specifically, the adventures of Willie Loomis and... Jason McGuire! The names are all changed, the events take a "fan fiction" turn but it's all there: a compelling new backstory for our favourite Irish extortionist! Ms. Hinton shows an obvious love and admiration for the character, here named "Kellen Quinn", and captures his essence (his humour, his charm, his adventurous nature and even his spiritual side!) extremely well. Recently (June 2013) I posed this question to Ms. Hinton via the Goodreads website, below it you'll see her response to me: ("Absolute favourite character to write?" Take that, Ponyboy!)
"Hello Ms Hinton,
I never cry. Haven't shed a tear in years, except once: the ending of "Hawkes Harbor".
Now please don't take this the wrong way, because I mean this as nothing but praise but I'm a fan of "Dark Shadows", particularly Jason McGuire, who's a huge obsession of mine. I absolutely loved every page of "Hawkes Harbor" (even if you made me cry with Kellen Quinn coming back on a schooner ship!) I consider the backstory of Kellen & Jamie to be the more or less official backstory of Jason & Willie. You took the basic concept of characters & made them your own, original yet remaining faithful to them completely. I loved it. Is there anything you can tell me about how this book came about? What was your impetus for writing it? Was it a licensing issue that kept you from publishing it as an official Dark Shadows book?
Just wanted to give a shout out of respect & gratitude to you! Thanks for giving me Kellen Quinn & fueling my obsession.
Respectfully,
Jill"
"Hello Ms Hinton,
I never cry. Haven't shed a tear in years, except once: the ending of "Hawkes Harbor".
Now please don't take this the wrong way, because I mean this as nothing but praise but I'm a fan of "Dark Shadows", particularly Jason McGuire, who's a huge obsession of mine. I absolutely loved every page of "Hawkes Harbor" (even if you made me cry with Kellen Quinn coming back on a schooner ship!) I consider the backstory of Kellen & Jamie to be the more or less official backstory of Jason & Willie. You took the basic concept of characters & made them your own, original yet remaining faithful to them completely. I loved it. Is there anything you can tell me about how this book came about? What was your impetus for writing it? Was it a licensing issue that kept you from publishing it as an official Dark Shadows book?
Just wanted to give a shout out of respect & gratitude to you! Thanks for giving me Kellen Quinn & fueling my obsession.
Respectfully,
Jill"